What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 12:55
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
U.S. Home Sellers Are Sitting on Nearly $700 Billion Worth of Listings, an All-Time High - Redfin
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Would this be the day?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Which Korean female celebrities look the best in a bikini?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Taylor Swift Owns Two Versions of Four Albums. Now What? - Billboard
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She wouldn,t have been !
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Is field marketing a permanent job in a particular company?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
How safe is it to travel to Kashmir in 2024?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Trump signs proclamation banning travel from 12 countries - ABC News
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Mark Hamill Say Carrie Fisher Told Him to Embrace His Star Wars Fame - Variety
This is soul school!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Did Trump show us once again that he is a master debater?
I was seconnd youngest,
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
When she asked me how she looked .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
5 foods to consume empty stomach to stabilize blood sugar levels naturally - Times of India
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Molestiae omnis voluptatem sed assumenda et.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Put me off passion for life!!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I never cut or harmed myself..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We were not on the streets..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Ive learnt so much.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So whats the point in blame.
I was scared of men, in general
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Who then, do I blame.?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was in good health!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Comes on , in middle age.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One cannot live in the past .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was very sick at this time too.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I have no regrets .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She married twice! .
My family never makes their pension either.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I don,t even have a pension.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We all went to grammer schools
All the time i was locked up.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im still living with it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And i lived it daily.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
What did i know ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I will be 64.
I was 9 years of age.
I waited trembling.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I write beautiful poetry .
She loved him until the end.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He knew the spot.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But it wasn’t much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So, i spoilt her more .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I said to her
She found it foreign!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But, we were locked up after school.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
It was going to be , some day.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Especially a lifetime of it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My life is so biszare .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But ive been too sick for many years..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.